Beauty, the Beast & the ‘black stuff’…

1 06 2011

It was a week in which the free-wheelin’ voice for a generation, poet and folk/rock music icon Robert Zimmerman, aka Bob Dylan, chalked up his 70th birthday, volcanic ash from Iceland was once again blowing in the wind, threatening disruption to those jetting away for a dose of bank holiday sun, and an army of around 75,000 tweeters made a mockery of, so-called, privacy orders, using the micro-blogging service to mount the largest ever single act of civil disobedience – indeed the times they are a changin’!   

Lib Dem MP, John Hemming claimed his moment in the media spotlight, by using (most would say abusing) parliamentary privilege to alert non-tweeters that it was Man Utd football star Ryan Giggs caught in the web of  social network rumours. This opened the way for traditional media coverage of the ‘kiss and tell’ story being touted by former ‘Big Brother’ contestant Imogen Thomas.   

All very messy, and depending on which side of the fence you sit, a triumph for free speech, an invasion of privacy or a timely comeuppance for wealthy celebrity misuse of a law intended to protect the rights of the vulnerable and innocent.

But none of that compares with the major stories of the week where it was all about Beauty, the Beast and the Black-stuff!         


Pop princess Cheryl Cole, the face of L’Oréal and estranged wife of Chelsea & England ‘love rat’ Ashley, is now an ex X-Factor judge!

Lured to the US by her mentor and special friend, X-Factor and Britain Has Got Talent guru, Simon Cowell, Cheryl lasted the best part of two weeks before being unceremoniously dumped by Fox TV. So much for the special, nay ‘essential’, relationship pet!

Apparently our State-side friends are incapable of deciphering Cheryl’s Geordie accent – they thought she would be a tad more Kate Middleton!

But the bottom line is, the former Girl Aloud may be a big celeb fish on this side of the pond but over there she’s Cheryl Who?  

Meanwhile, back home, she’s also been axed from the new-look X-Factor UK panel (along with the lovely Danni Minogue!), being replaced by former Destiny’s Child singer Kelly Rowland and N Dubz member Tulisa Contostavlos, who incidentally means as much to me as Cheryl does to the yanks!

There’s nothing like kicking a girl when she’s down. There will, no doubt, be tears at bed time so I just hope that L’Oreal mascara doesn’t run!

But looking on the bright side, Cheryl won’t have to put up with the wittering Louis Walsh or listen to the boring drone of Gary Barlow!    

The ‘Beast’

The gas guzzling, armour plated, US presidential limo (which does an eco-friendly 8 miles to the gallon) rolled into London town last week, by way of a stick in the mud moment in Moneygall, Ireland, where Barack Obama had stopped off in search of his lost apostrophe!

Fair play, it was a good line and it has to be said Barack and Michelle did rather better than the Queen when it came to supping a drop of ‘the black stuff’!  

I have to say an entourage of 200 seems a bit excessive and it was a hell of way to come for a game of ping-pong with ‘Call me Dave’ and a stint flipping burgers behind the No.10 barbeque.

But then B&M did get to stay in the best B&B in town (Bucking-ham Palace – fully inclusive rates) enjoy a Kodak moment with the wonderfully photogenic guards, meet those cute newly weds, and receive a couple of thoughtful gifts from leader of the opposition Ed Miliband; a basket-ball for him and a Jamie Oliver cookbook for her. I expect Michelle does a lot of cooking back in the White House!  

It was an opportunity for us Brits to warm to the eloquent charm, poise, wit and charisma of a US President (notably absent during the Bush years!) as he kick-started his next presidential campaign in beautifully stage-managed style.

We might have been used, but at least we can all sleep safe in our beds at night now. After all we no longer have a special relationship. It has been officially upgraded to essential and indispensable!  

the ‘black-stuff’

No it’s not the Guinness this time, but, my mate ‘Marmite’. The dour Danes, who obviously don’t have much on their plate at the moment, decided to spark a diplomatic incident by banning probably the best yeast extract paste in the world. 

Love it or hate it (and I’m a lover – having admittedly converted fairly late in life) this gloopy black paste, fortified with added vitamins (horror of horrors) is a British icon.

How dare the Danish government deprive its citizens (not to mention the British expats) of the right to spread the black stuff on their toast!

The Marmite War is well and truly on and an embargo has been placed on all Danish products, chez nous. Danish bacon, beer, butter and pastries are all on the hit list. It is a great personal sacrifice, not easily made, but national pride is at stake, and it has to be good for my waist line!   




2 responses

1 06 2011
Another Phil

Cracker this one Phil….what a week

10 06 2011

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